i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
