i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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