If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
