I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
