im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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