I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
