It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
