I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize