i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
