I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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