What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
