I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I want a musical about memes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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