I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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