"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
