singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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