Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
