They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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