I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
