You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
