there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
