not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
