I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
