College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
