First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
