i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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