yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
