When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
