So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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