i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
