yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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