Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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