cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didn't notice because vodka
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize