We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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