I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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