grandma shit on top of the toilet
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
