My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
