hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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