Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
