There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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