Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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