saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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