Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
