Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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