Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
