32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
