So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
