Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
