final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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