counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
