Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
