I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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