apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
