If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
