White coat. Heels.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
