Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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