I look better un-naked...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
