Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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