Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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