i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
