i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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