Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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