Dual....:-)
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
