Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
