Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
