mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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