so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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