Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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