my mouth tastes like poor choices
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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