I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
