i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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