Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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