im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
