he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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