just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
