What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
