I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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