we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
