did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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