I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
